Chapter 5 - What Do I Want?

I have battled with this question for a couple weeks now. I want to stay in my house. I want to have Christmas here. I want to not be deciding which belongings make the cut for our new space when it is less than half the size. I want to know why we are doing all of this to end up spending the same amount each month as we would have on our house. 

But more than any of that I want what God wants more than I want what I want. I know we are right where we are because each step has been taken in obedience to His direction. What I don't know is why it has been so hard to actually live that out, when that's been the cry of my heart for most of my adult life. 

I think there are 2 reasons why it's been so hard. The first is because I'm not just moving out of my house. I'm having to let go of my dreams. I've tried to fight the battle in my head and keep perspective that it's just a house, and have been frustrated over my emotional state. However, to me it's not just a house...its the place I've gotten to live out what I've always hoped life would look like when I became a wife and mom: The kids run around and play with friends in the neighborhood, we walk across the street to play at the pool, I can stand at my kitchen sink and watch the nerf wars in the back yard while washing dishes. I have space to sit quietly with God and space to spread out craft projects. It's the place I'm actually living out my dreams. 

I'm not moving because we've made poor choices, gotten in over our heads and lost our home or have had to declare bankruptcy. We have simply taken each step the Lord has asked, no matter if it made sense to us or looked like what we thought it should look like. 

Which leads to the second reason this is so hard. I know what God is capable of, and he's not doing what I know he can. 

I know God is a promise maker and a promise keeper. I know he can move the mountains, calm storms and raise the dead. So, I've questioned him on why he's not providing a different scenario for us. 

• Abraham got a replacement sacrifice. 
• Daniel came out of the lions den.
• Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego came out of the fire. 
• Joshua got to see the sun stand still in the sky. 
• Mary and Martha got to see their dead brother come out of the tomb. 

I believe with my whole heart he is capable of doing something miraculous for us too. But what I've never seen so clearly is the cost before the miracle. Abraham walked a three day journey, tied down his son, and had to raise the knife. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego had to physically walk into the fire. Mary and Martha had to watch Lazarus die and be buried before Jesus showed up. It was never Jesus' intention for them to hurt when he chose to not show up like they requested. It was his intention to do something even greater than they knew was possible. 

These people all trusted God enough to make statements like, "but even if..." They were willing to give it all for obedience to the Lord. They went through the tough times in faith before they saw the Lord come through. I believe these people all wanted what God wanted more than what they wanted.

“If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭16:25‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I lay down my life for him and what he has for us. It's just a lot harder to actually live it out than I expected. 

I am thankful that my cost is simply my house and the dreams I had anticipated living out there. I still have my family. We will still be the same people doing most of the same things, just in a different place. However emotional that is, I still say I want what God wants more than I want what I want, and I look towards our future filled with hope that he is going to show up with our "immeasurably more," knowing that his plans are better than any dreams I could have come up with on my own. 

Chapter 4 - I Can Relate

I realized the other day that this season - this one, the one that has been so hard, so filled with uncertainty, so stretching - is actually an answer to prayer. 

You know how people say "don't pray for patience!" because then you wind up being in situations where you have to practice patience more than you want to? I think it's kind of like that with a desire for a deep, genuine faith.

I have wholeheartedly, for many years, asked the Lord to give me faith like the people I have read about in the Bible. I want to be willing to say yes to God no matter what he asks of me, like when he asks Abraham to give back the greatest gift he'd ever received - meaning he was willing to sacrifice his own son. I want to have that kind of faith. Or for Abraham to simply go, leave his homeland not knowing where he was going next. That kind of faith. Or when Moses stands surrounded by nothing but impossible situations and confidently tells all the people God will rescue them. Or when Joseph continues to give God his very best even when his circumstances go from bad to worse. Or even when God tells Mary he's going to miraculously make her pregnant with his own son, and her response is simply, let it be as you have said... These stories just make me cry out "Lord, let me take you at your word and be willing to obey at every step, even when I don't understand or know how things will turn out, like these examples have done." That kind of faith. 

But this season continues to teach me what that kind of faith actually requires.

From the time I was a teenager and I gave my life to Jesus, I have read about these people in the Bible and asked questions about what they must have felt. What fears did they have? How did they work through those fears to be obedient? What did it look like for them to go when God had not told them where? How did they even know what God wanted them to do in the first place? What did their interactions with Him look like? How did they get to the place where they could have those interactions? 

I wanted to be able to relate to what they experienced and become as much like them in their faith as I possibly could, which lead to the biggest question of all: what would I do if I found myself in their story? Would I have the faith to take the steps they took if I found myself in situations where I experienced what it was like to walk in their shoes? 

I'm beginning to see just how their shoes fit.

I feel like I can relate to Abraham's story of packing up and leaving his homeland as 5 years ago God asked us to quit our jobs and then he would tell us where to go next. (Wrote about it here) I, on many occasions, have felt like I have found myself in the impossible stories of Moses when we have followed God to circumstances where obedience to what He was asking us to do might seem like we were simply making unwise choices (It's hard to be willing to fool-y surrender)--like me stepping off staff last year. And even now by selling our house, but not knowing where we're supposed to go next.

What I've found is that it's great to ask God for big faith - to aspire to live as the people in these stories have lived - until you realize that to grow your faith you must stretch it. And that often the steps of faith moving forward are greater (more difficult) than the last one. Now I'm not comparing myself to the people in the Bible or saying that I possess a faith like them, but what I feel like I can say is I can relate. I feel like I can answer some of the questions of what I would do if that was me in their stories because I feel like I've been there.

Most recently, I feel like I've been walking in Mary's shoes. I can picture myself in her story. Maybe she handled her emotions more gracefully than I have, but heading into Christmas, leaving my home, and an unplanned pregnancy...I can relate. 

I've thought a lot about what she must have been feeling and what she might have expected things to look like along the way in her journey. I am sure, like any nesting pregnant woman, Mary did everything she could think of to be fully prepared to deliver her baby when she got to Bethlehem. To have a plan and a desire to make sure everything would be ok. 

We, too, have that desire. To have a plan and be fully prepared for what's ahead. We are working really hard to find the right next step, knowing that God is at work in ways we can't even imagine on our behalf. We're tilling and planting and sowing...begging God to bring the rain. We're doing the things that only we can do and asking God to do what only He can do. And it is absolutely stretching and growing our faith, as it unquestionably did Mary's.

We joke about being homeless for Christmas (In case you missed it, we sold our house, closing December 15th) and I have cried more than I want to admit through this whole process of letting go. However, what I now realize is that even this crazy difficult part of our journey is an answer to so many prayers for faith like the heroes in the Bible I've looked to as an example for so many years. I'm excited and even grateful for this season because I want to be able to relate to what was spoken of Mary in Luke 1:45 saying "You are blessed because you believed that the Lord would do what he said." I want that kind of faith.  

As hard as it is to be vulnerable and put our story out there for all to see, we write when God says to write in the midst of our uncertainty not to make you feel sorry for us or to make our situation seem desperate, but to reveal God's glory. Because we don't know what's coming next, we can't take any credit. We are trusting him at all costs, and doing our best (albeit imperfectly) to be obedient with every step of faith he gives. We want to relate. And it's been stretching. We truly don't know what tomorrow holds, but we know we can hold tight to the promises God has made to us personally, and to all of us through the Bible, knowing that he will do what he says he will do. We hope that by sharing our journey with you that you can relate, are encouraged to grow your faith, and that God gets all the glory. 

Christmas Bonus - In honor of how I feel like I can relate to Mary during this particular "homeless for Christmas" situation. I have decided to do a different kind of countdown to Christmas with our family this year. I have written daily devotionals for our family to do together each day leading up to Christmas. It is a Countdown to Christmas Through the Eyes of Mary. We will use it to focus our hearts on Jesus during this season and as a tool to discuss how it all relates to our daily lives. I have posted it on the blog if you want to do it with us! (Rest assured you don't have to be pregnant or moving for it to apply to your life.)

You can also click here to request an email with the daily devotionals formatted onto small cards to print out. We will hang them on our portable tree for a visual countdown to Christmas and reminder to pull it off and read it together at some point in the day. (Check Social Media for pictures coming soon.)

A Countdown to Christmas Through the Eyes of Mary

Welcome to December 2016!! This year I'm changing things up a bit at our house and wrote these daily devotionals for our family to walk through each day in December. I figured if I was gonna write them, I might as well share them. If you missed the blog post about the heart behind this particular version of devotions, "Through the eyes of Mary," you can check it out here. You can do the devotions straight from the blog, or click here to request a printable version formatted to a daily card. (It's not pretty, but you can glue them onto something pretty.) 

Last, if you missed the start of these on December 1st (since I didn't even get it posted until the 2nd) you can still join in. They are quick and easy to do, just pick up or catch up and have some fun with your family preparing your hearts for Christmas this year with the lessons we can learn from Mary's view of Christmas!

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24 Days til Christmas (December 1st)

     A Promise is Made - Read Psalm 132:11-12

•  What promise did God make to David here? 
•  What did they call this king that they hoped would come?
•  What is true about God's promises?
•  What are some promises He's made to you?

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23 Days til Christmas (December 2nd)

     God Has a Plan - Read Luke 3:23-31

• How long before it happened, did God put this plan in place? (take a glance at Luke 3:32-38 as you discuss)
• Did you know there was a long period of waiting for the Messiah where they never heard anything from the Lord? 
• Have you ever waited a really long time for something? How hard was it to wait?

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22 Days til Christmas (December 3rd)

     God Picked Mary - Read Luke 1:26-33

• Of all the people in the family from David to Mary and Joseph, why did God select Mary?
• What do you think Mary might have done to find favor with God? 
• What can we do to find favor with God? (Discuss how it is about our heart and love for Him, not the actions that we do.)

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21 Days til Christmas (December 4th)

     How Could This Be? - Read Luke 1:34-37

• Mary didn't understand how this was even going to happen, it seemed impossible to her. Did God answer her question? (Don't be scared of the How did she get pregnant questions. You can simply focus on the fact that God explained He was going to make it happen, and the ending where it says nothing is impossible with God.)
• How does God answer us when we don't understand what's happening? (Any examples from your own life to share?)

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20 Days til Christmas (December 5th)

     Mary's Response of Obedience - Read Luke 1:38

• What do you think Mary might have been thinking about all of this? 
• What did she choose to do? 
• What are some times that you've not really wanted to obey something you were told, but chose to anyway?

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19 Days til Christmas (December 6th)

     A Confirmation - Read Luke 1:39-45

• What did God do for Mary in this part of the story? (Talk about the importance of community, especially community that understands and believes God too. God gave Mary a confirmation, through another person, that He really was going to do what He said he was going to do at a time when she could have been feeling lots of different emotions.)
• God is a loving a gracious God to do this for us. What are some ways you've seen God do that in your own life?

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18 Days til Christmas (December 7th)

     A Song of Praise - Read Luke 1:46-55

• What was Mary's reaction to Elizabeth's confirmation? 
• The Bible says this was Mary's "Song of Praise", what does her song tell you about what Mary believes? (Talk about some of the details she praises God for, and how they are an indication of what she believes about God. Maybe make up a song of praise about things your family believes about God.)

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17 Days til Christmas (December 8th)

     Leaving Home - Read Luke 2:1-5

• Mary is "obviously pregnant", which means she has a big belly and is probably very uncomfortable. It was likely a journey that could take 4-10 days of walking/riding on a donkey depending on the weather and what route they took. What do you think Mary was feeling? (What do you think got her through those feelings?)
• How do you feel about leaving your home at Christmas? (What can we do to get through those feelings?) - Note: This one is for us and our situation, feel free to talk about what it would feel like if you are not currently leaving your home. :)

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16 Days til Christmas (December 9th)

     What do you mean there are no rooms? - Read Luke 2:6-7

• Mary knew this baby was the long awaited Messiah we talked about at the beginning of December, and she would have known the prophecies about the Messiah being born in Bethlehem. She could have anticipated a trip, but what expectations do you think she might have had for giving birth to Jesus, the savior and king, in Bethlehem? 
• What are some of your expectations about what God is doing in our lives right now? (Talk about how His plan may be different than our expectation and how we can respond to that)

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15 Days til Christmas (December 10th)

     The Savior is Born - Read Luke 2:8-14

• This is what we celebrate at Christmas! The Messiah was born. The celebration started that very same night when the Angels appeared to the shepherds exclaiming God had fulfilled his promise to send a Messiah, A Savior! What things does your family do to celebrate Christmas each year? (Talk about some of your favorite Christmas activities. If they relate to Jesus's birth, talk through that and explain why you do those things as a family.)

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14 Days til Christmas (December 11th)

     Taking it to heart - Read Luke 2:15-20

• Verse 18 says "All who heard the shepherds' story were astonished". Why were they astonished? (Everything happened just as the angels told them it would.)
• Verse 19 says "but Mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often." Why do you think Mary's response was different? (Talk about how she already knew Jesus was the Messiah and how she must have remembered it often as a reminder that God did what He said he was going to do.)
• What are some times we have seen God do what He said he was going to do? And how have we used those as reminders during more difficult times?

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13 Days til Christmas (December 12th)

     Right where you need to be - Read Luke 2:25-32

• Who was Simeon and why was he at the Temple the same day as Mary and Joseph? (Talk about listening to God and doing what He says. It's when we are obedient, even in the little things that God puts us right where we need to be.)

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12 Days til Christmas (December 13th)

     Hard News to Hear - Read Luke 2:33-35

• What did Simeon mean when he said "A sword will pierce your very soul"? (Talk about what is to happen to Jesus on the cross, and how that might make Mary feel. You can also talk about the expectations that many had for the Messiah to be a king who lead the people physically, instead of dying on the cross)
• Why do you think Simeon would say that to Mary? (You can talk about how Jesus, as an adult tried to tell his disciples about it too, to prepare them for the hurt they were going to experience. God always prepares our hearts when he knows there are hard times coming for us. Share any stories you may have of how God has done that in your life.)

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11 Days til Christmas (December 14th)

     Visitors from the East - Read Matthew 2:1-11

• Why did these men follow the star to find Jesus? 
• What did they bring to him?
• How far would you go to bring gifts to someone? Would you go out of your way to be generous to others? 
• What's something you can do for someone this Christmas that might be unexpected, but would help them celebrate Christmas better?

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10 Days til Christmas (December 15th)

     God's Protection - Read Matthew 2:12-14

• What did God do to protect Jesus from Herod?
• What part did Mary and Joseph play in this plan? (Talk about how God works to protect us, how obedience is an important part of that plan...what if Mary and Joseph had not been obedient. Share with your children how you listen to God and do what He says so they can be safe and experience the Life that God has for them.)

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9 Days til Christmas (December 16th)

     Even the Best of Moms - Read Luke 2:41-48

• Mary was picked to be the mother of Jesus and even she wasn't perfect. We do the best job we can do to parent you, but we are not perfect either. We have made mistakes and will make more. What can we each do when mom and dad make a mistake? (Talk through what some examples may be of a parent making a mistake, maybe it's losing our temper. Walk through taking responsibility and asking for forgiveness, and how we all want to act that way towards each other, but we as parents want to set the example in that. This might be a good opportunity to ask for forgiveness if there are any current mistakes that have not been addressed. Keep it positive, but use this time to talk through how to love each other well, even through mistakes.)

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8 Days til Christmas (December 17th)

     A Mother's Heart - Read Luke 2:51-52

• This is the most information we are given about Mary as a mother from the time Jesus was a boy to the time he was a grown man. Why do you think it was important for her to "store all these things in her heart"?
• Why do you think we take so many pictures of you? (We want to remember every moment we can, just like Jesus grew up, you also grow up, and moms and dads just want to remember as many of the precious moments of your life as possible. I assure you if Mary had a camera in her pocket everywhere she went, she would have taken lots of pictures too!)

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7 Days til Christmas (December 18th)

     Every Parent's Prayer - Read Luke 2:39-40

• Do you know this is what we want for you? (Talk to your child about your hopes for their future, no matter what they do when they grow up, we hope for these things that are described of Jesus' growing up will also be true for them. I pray each of my kids grow up healthy and strong and that God fills them with wisdom and that His favor is on them.)

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6 Days til Christmas (December 19th)

     Jesus' First Miracle - Read John 2:1-11

• What made Jesus decide to do this miracle? (He was honoring his mother.)
• Ephesians 6:1-3 tells us to honor our Father and Mother. What does it look like for you to honor your father and mother? 

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5 Days til Christmas (December 20th)

     A Proud Mom - Read John 21:25

• Mary must have been very proud of all the things that Jesus did. How many miracles can you think of that Jesus performed? (If time allows, take the time to look up and read in the Bible each miracle recited...feel free to use google if you don't know the scripture reference)

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4 Days til Christmas (December 21st)

     A Different Plan for the King -Read John 19:14-24

• What did Mary and the disciples expect Jesus' Kingdom to look like? 
• What do you think they felt when Jesus was sentenced to die on the cross?

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3 Days til Christmas (December 22nd)

     Concerned For Mom - Read John 19:25-27

• Mary must have been devastated to watch Jesus be put on the cross. Do you remember what Simeon said to her when Jesus was a baby? (Luke 2:35 - "A sword will pierce your very soul" Talk through how this is what God was preparing her for because He knew all along this is what would happen.)
• How loving was Jesus to make sure his mother was taken care of even while he was dying? (God was loving in trying to prepare her heart many years before and Jesus was loving to make sure she was taken care of...this is how God and Jesus still treat us today.) 

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2 Days til Christmas (December 23rd)

     He's Alive!!! - Read Luke 24:1-9

• Does Jesus' story end with him in the tomb?
• Why does it make Christmas even more special to read all the way through to this part of his story, and not just his birth? 

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1 Day til Christmas (December 24th)

     There's Always Hope - Read Hebrews 6:18-19a

• Do you think Mary had hope when she saw Jesus raised from the dead?
• We can have hope too! Because God raised Jesus from the dead, we know that God keeps his promises and we can go to him for help when we are in trouble. 

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Merry Christmas (December 25th)

     The Greatest Gift of All - Read John 3:16

• Why do we give gifts at Christmas? (To celebrate Jesus' Birthday) 
• Did you know that his birth was actually the greatest gift of all time? 
• Do you know that the best gift you can give to God at Christmas is you? (If you choose, you can talk through the gospel with your child, and share what it means to have a relationship with Jesus that results in eternal life. There are lots of great tools online for sharing the gospel with kids, but here is one I liked. http://centrikid.com/2013/02/04/gospel-with-kids-poster/ Or if your children already have a relationship with the Lord, you can talk about what it looks like to continually give yourself to God, following him daily).

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Thanks so much for joining our family on this Countdown To Christmas Through the Eyes of Mary! We hope this brings many great Jesus focused conversations as you prepare your family to celebrate together. We wish you a Very Merry Christmas!!!