The Next Chapter

We bought a house! I haven’t shared much about that. Only the moving, the working, but not the house.

There’s a phrase I’ve used a lot over the last 3 years in this waiting season: “this is about so much more than a house.”

Wait...We sold a house 3 years ago this month, lived in an apartment while looking for a house, bought a house and moved into it. How was it not about a house, you ask...(ok, maybe you didn’t, but I sure did).

I wasn’t sure exactly what that meant at the time, but I knew it was the truth. I haven’t shared much about this house because I knew I needed to share about all the other things this journey was actually about, but I’ve still been processing so much of it myself.


You see the house that we sold was a precious gift from the Lord, one that was actually more than I even knew to ask him for. I would literately sit in my reading chair in the office and thank him over and over again for that house. One day there was a quiet whisper that said “don’t hold it so tight that you’re not willing to give it up if I ask.”


“Of course not, God. I would never choose this over you,” I said back to him that morning. Well, 3 years later when this journey started, he indeed asked me to let go of that house and trust him. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. The physical aspect of it was that it was a house,  but what made it so (unexpectedly) hard was that it was really a journey of discovering so many things I had hidden in my heart.


I’ll try to summarize what I can see looking back over that 3 year journey of searching for a house (and walking away from everything before actually finding it)...


God rocked my world by letting me feel as though he had failed me when I followed every (very hard) step he asked of me and then he didn’t provide the miracle I was expecting in return. I cried many tears feeling like he was withholding from me all the things he could make happen in an instant. But I can look back now and see I needed to feel that way. I needed to be made completely out of control and reliant upon him for everything so much more than I needed a house at that time. I needed HIM to hold on to while I fought through those feelings and learned all the ways I didn’t actually trust him because,  up to this point in my life, he had always done what I expected.


He brought to light all the areas where I spoke truths I said I believed, then spent 3 years uprooting lies I buried deep underneath about who I am and what he thinks of me—things I had absolutely no idea were hidden there. He pulled all those things tucked deep in my heart to the surface and gave me space to work through them while continually reminding me he’s right here and he loves me. It allowed me the chance to take those things I said I believed and now let them permeate the spaces in my heart that were walled off. They could sink down deep and be the truths I now know and have experienced instead of just words I thought I believed simply because I believed them to be true.


I hope to spend time in the near future breaking down some of the things I’ve learned and share them with you. However, for now I will look forward and share that we have stepped into a new journey, a new ministry opportunity in a home where our hearts are more aligned together than before and our beliefs are now actual experiences with the Lord we know to be true because we’ve lived them. We can’t wait to get this house fixed up, get a giant dining table and fill it over and over with people we can share our journey with.


Our prayer over this next season and this new journey is from 2 Chronicles 6 when Solomon completed the temple and invited God’s presence to dwell there. Then he prayed:


“O my God, may your eyes be open and your ears attentive to all the prayers made to you in this place.” 2 Chronicles 6:40


This is our prayer as well, that the Lord’s presence fill this house and that all the prayers prayed in this place will be seen and heard by the Lord. That healing will take place, that lives would be changed, that hearts will soften and turn to Him.


This truly has been about so much more than a house and I can’t wait to experience the next chapter!


Also, I wanted to take a moment and express thank you to all those that have prayed with us, been generous to us and walked along side is during this journey. We love you so much and regularly thank the Lord for you!

With All Our Hearts
Bonnie & P.T.

The Blank White Space

Here we are on day 2 of this new year and I can’t stop thinking about the blank white space. Yesterday as I saw multiple posts about people setting goals and planning for the year ahead I wanted to do the same. I love a good plan! But honestly, as I thought more and more about it, something is different this year. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but this year feels different. It feels like I’ve had a peek behind the curtain, a better understanding of who God is makes you look at things a little differently. 

Over the years I’ve prayed for a specific word to hold onto for some years, other years I’ve halfheartedly set some goals I had more hope than will towards reaching. For some reason this year feels so different. Maybe it’s that I’m now 40, maybe it’s this crazy journey of blind faith the Lord has had us on, maybe it’s just new realizations of the depths of spiritual warfare going on all around me, maybe it’s just a better understanding of who I am this year. Whatever it is, probably all of it, it makes me stop and really evaluate what I want out of this year and how I will get there. 

However, I can’t get past the blank white space. I’ve learned this past year that fear has always been a big factor in my life, but the Lord wipes the slate clean by reminding me to trust. I’ve recognized I like to be in control and know what is ahead, yet the Lord has said, “follow me one step at a time”...blank white. I long for the Lord to show up and give us the next steps, provide miraculously in response to our blind faith, but he keeps reminding me my hope is in HIM, not what he does for us.
So, I sit down and think about the year ahead and I just keep coming back to the blank white space. I’ve learned a lot about my own response to goals and determination this past year and it’s an area I want to change and grow, but where do I start with the blank white space. 

I know the Lord is using this to draw something out of me, I’m just not there yet. Maybe it’s freedom. I’ve let go and laid down a lot over the last year, but I still like lines on my paper. I’ve never been comfortable with blank paper and a crayon in my hand. I like structure, I like the black lines on the paper to show me where to fill in. Give me a coloring sheet for goodness sake. Give me the notebook paper. I know it’s purpose. I get stuck when I don’t know the purpose, when I am not given the picture. When I’m told, just create anything, I freeze at the sight of the blank white space. 

That’s where I sit at the beginning of this new year, leaning in asking the Lord what the picture is going to look like, so I know how to fill it in, but he whispers back, “create anything”. With tears in my eyes I hand him all my fears and what ifs about how uncomfortable that makes me and he holds my face in his hands and says “don’t you know I can make anything beautiful darling?”

May this year bring a new found freedom to create unbridled joy!