Chapter 4 - I Can Relate

I realized the other day that this season - this one, the one that has been so hard, so filled with uncertainty, so stretching - is actually an answer to prayer. 

You know how people say "don't pray for patience!" because then you wind up being in situations where you have to practice patience more than you want to? I think it's kind of like that with a desire for a deep, genuine faith.

I have wholeheartedly, for many years, asked the Lord to give me faith like the people I have read about in the Bible. I want to be willing to say yes to God no matter what he asks of me, like when he asks Abraham to give back the greatest gift he'd ever received - meaning he was willing to sacrifice his own son. I want to have that kind of faith. Or for Abraham to simply go, leave his homeland not knowing where he was going next. That kind of faith. Or when Moses stands surrounded by nothing but impossible situations and confidently tells all the people God will rescue them. Or when Joseph continues to give God his very best even when his circumstances go from bad to worse. Or even when God tells Mary he's going to miraculously make her pregnant with his own son, and her response is simply, let it be as you have said... These stories just make me cry out "Lord, let me take you at your word and be willing to obey at every step, even when I don't understand or know how things will turn out, like these examples have done." That kind of faith. 

But this season continues to teach me what that kind of faith actually requires.

From the time I was a teenager and I gave my life to Jesus, I have read about these people in the Bible and asked questions about what they must have felt. What fears did they have? How did they work through those fears to be obedient? What did it look like for them to go when God had not told them where? How did they even know what God wanted them to do in the first place? What did their interactions with Him look like? How did they get to the place where they could have those interactions? 

I wanted to be able to relate to what they experienced and become as much like them in their faith as I possibly could, which lead to the biggest question of all: what would I do if I found myself in their story? Would I have the faith to take the steps they took if I found myself in situations where I experienced what it was like to walk in their shoes? 

I'm beginning to see just how their shoes fit.

I feel like I can relate to Abraham's story of packing up and leaving his homeland as 5 years ago God asked us to quit our jobs and then he would tell us where to go next. (Wrote about it here) I, on many occasions, have felt like I have found myself in the impossible stories of Moses when we have followed God to circumstances where obedience to what He was asking us to do might seem like we were simply making unwise choices (It's hard to be willing to fool-y surrender)--like me stepping off staff last year. And even now by selling our house, but not knowing where we're supposed to go next.

What I've found is that it's great to ask God for big faith - to aspire to live as the people in these stories have lived - until you realize that to grow your faith you must stretch it. And that often the steps of faith moving forward are greater (more difficult) than the last one. Now I'm not comparing myself to the people in the Bible or saying that I possess a faith like them, but what I feel like I can say is I can relate. I feel like I can answer some of the questions of what I would do if that was me in their stories because I feel like I've been there.

Most recently, I feel like I've been walking in Mary's shoes. I can picture myself in her story. Maybe she handled her emotions more gracefully than I have, but heading into Christmas, leaving my home, and an unplanned pregnancy...I can relate. 

I've thought a lot about what she must have been feeling and what she might have expected things to look like along the way in her journey. I am sure, like any nesting pregnant woman, Mary did everything she could think of to be fully prepared to deliver her baby when she got to Bethlehem. To have a plan and a desire to make sure everything would be ok. 

We, too, have that desire. To have a plan and be fully prepared for what's ahead. We are working really hard to find the right next step, knowing that God is at work in ways we can't even imagine on our behalf. We're tilling and planting and sowing...begging God to bring the rain. We're doing the things that only we can do and asking God to do what only He can do. And it is absolutely stretching and growing our faith, as it unquestionably did Mary's.

We joke about being homeless for Christmas (In case you missed it, we sold our house, closing December 15th) and I have cried more than I want to admit through this whole process of letting go. However, what I now realize is that even this crazy difficult part of our journey is an answer to so many prayers for faith like the heroes in the Bible I've looked to as an example for so many years. I'm excited and even grateful for this season because I want to be able to relate to what was spoken of Mary in Luke 1:45 saying "You are blessed because you believed that the Lord would do what he said." I want that kind of faith.  

As hard as it is to be vulnerable and put our story out there for all to see, we write when God says to write in the midst of our uncertainty not to make you feel sorry for us or to make our situation seem desperate, but to reveal God's glory. Because we don't know what's coming next, we can't take any credit. We are trusting him at all costs, and doing our best (albeit imperfectly) to be obedient with every step of faith he gives. We want to relate. And it's been stretching. We truly don't know what tomorrow holds, but we know we can hold tight to the promises God has made to us personally, and to all of us through the Bible, knowing that he will do what he says he will do. We hope that by sharing our journey with you that you can relate, are encouraged to grow your faith, and that God gets all the glory. 

Christmas Bonus - In honor of how I feel like I can relate to Mary during this particular "homeless for Christmas" situation. I have decided to do a different kind of countdown to Christmas with our family this year. I have written daily devotionals for our family to do together each day leading up to Christmas. It is a Countdown to Christmas Through the Eyes of Mary. We will use it to focus our hearts on Jesus during this season and as a tool to discuss how it all relates to our daily lives. I have posted it on the blog if you want to do it with us! (Rest assured you don't have to be pregnant or moving for it to apply to your life.)

You can also click here to request an email with the daily devotionals formatted onto small cards to print out. We will hang them on our portable tree for a visual countdown to Christmas and reminder to pull it off and read it together at some point in the day. (Check Social Media for pictures coming soon.)